Can February Be Done Now?

Rant #1 My Sadies date FINALLY said yes but it was really awkward. Let me explain... he came over at 10:00 am which would normally be fine... but it was on a snow day! No, I did not have make up on, my hair was not done, I was in my sweats, and I didn't even have a bra on! There was no way I was about to answer the door! So my dad did.... and it was awkward. I am in the other room feeling awkward and uncomfortable as I heard my parents make my date feel awkward and uncomfortable. And after he finally left my house... I didn't even want to stand up... I just wanted to melt into the couch and die. haha Finally I hesitantly walk into the other room and see a box wrapped in golden paper with pink balloons and a pretty a little card that said "Valerie" It was all really pretty and inside the box were balloons that I popped and there was this whole message that led to him saying yes. So very thoughtful, cute, and I did love it. I just was still feeling really awkward. A few hours later I called him about what group he wanted to go in because one the possible groups were making t-shirts and I was wondering if he wanted to do that... bad idea... maybe I am just over reacting but that entire phone conversation was uncomfortable....

Rant #2 and #3 On Tuesday at my high school there was a "No Place For Hate Tolerance Panel" and there were five different organization representatives there, one being the head of the Resource Exchange. Which is an organization in Colorado that helps with Special Education. My dream is to become a special education teacher. I have a sister with Downs Syndrome and have been working in the special education room since I was in 8th grade and I have completely fallen in love with it. So after the tolerance panel I wanted to go talk to the head of the Resource Exchange and do a little networking. Well at my high school... in front of people he was like "You are the kind of the person we are looking for to do an internship." I think to myself, "YAY!!! foot in the door, he is impressed by me, and this is gonna be great!" Right? No. Turns out he just wanted to look good and gave me his business card in hopes I wasn't actually serious. and yet another uncomfortable phone call in which he tells me that internships are not even available until after I receive a masters degree and not during college like he made it sound. Stupid Two Face. The next rant I am including in this one because also has to do with Special Education. Last week I was invited to a slumber party/ birthday party for one of the girls I work with in the special needs room and that was last night. I thought it was going to be a few girls there and when there aren't too many people at an event, I am confident in my friend making abilities. I show up early to help set up like I was asked and already I am feeling like I don't know anyone and I am the odd one out... and then about 70 more people show up..... and then I REALLY feel alone in a crowded room. I tried really hard to get into groups and talk but it was just so loud and uncomfortable and no one was talking to me. I just wanted to go home :( I stayed for the "SURPRISE" part but in truth, the girl with special needs looked SUPER overwhelmed with everybody and everything that was going. I was there when a boy choir group from my school came to sing her happy birthday and a Justin Bieber song (her absolute favorite, its adorable how much she loves Justin Bieber!) I watched her open up presents.. but there was a lot of presents there and so many people around her... I could tell she wasn't really processing the presents and didn't even know who they were from. and not that I want to make this whole thing about my bad Friday night but... It was impersonal, it was loud, it was chaotic, it was lonely... So I went home to watch a sad movie. I am just really bummed that it wasn't what I was expecting.

Rant #4 I am currently in a Zoology class and after we finished our exams we were able to watch a little bit of "Finding Nemo" One of our class assignments is to take care of a pet (even if its a 75 cent fish that is alive for two days) and I already have a cute little toy poodle named Penny but watching finding Nemo inspired me to dig out an old fish tank I have in my garage, spend two hours cleaning it and cleaning a place for it in my room... and then only to lift it up on to my dresser for me to accidentally have the bottom slip into the corner of my dresser. Glass and water was everywhere. Yepp.

Rant #5 I love my ex boyfriends family. I love and Miss them so much it hurts sometimes. Two nights ago my ex's sister-in-law Facebook messaged me and wanted me to get back together with her brother-in-law because she misses me and knows that I was a really good thing in his life. One problem though.... he doesn't want to be with me. And as much as I love him or miss him or think that I want to be with him... I knows deep down inside that he is not what is best for me. Having his lovely sister who is so close to my heart tell me that she wants us to be sisters and wants things to work out between me and my ex because she misses me and wants me to come visit her out in Utah well it hurt.. A LOT. All of these old memories were dragged up to the surface and I don't know what to do with them... But then my ex texts me...... uggh... and has the nerve to ask me how my day is going and if I have any plans this weekend. haha I am not actually mad about what he said I just wish he would leave me alone so I can get over him. However, as much as he hurt me, I don't want to lose his friendship/ acquaintanceship. So I am still trying to figure out this delicate balance. 

Rant #6 As negative as all these previous rants were I want everyone to know that I LOVE my life. Yes, I have horrible days/weeks/months but I also have incredible friends and opportunities. I know that Heavenly Father loves me and that he hears my prayers. I know that I am a daughter of God. I am so incredibly excited for what my future holds and all the bright days ahead of me. I love chasing after my dreams and although it might be a little discouraging at times.. I know I CAN do it :) and I sure has heck don't need a dumb guy to drag me down. Life is great, wonderful, exciting :) and I can not wait to see what happens next! :)