Sense of Belonging

Today was my second day off from school and it was not as happy as yesterday. I had plans with these girls to hang out and they kinda just blew me off. So I went to a different High School's seminary class to do something with my day and I am really glad I went. We talked about the story of Job and finding the silver lining in the storms of life. At the end of the very powerful lesson the class was each given a sticky note to write a trial that we were going through and stick it on the wall that the teacher had a cool name for. On my sticky note I wrote something like: "Recent events have caused me to want to leave the church. I don't feel like I belong here. I am not sure I belong anywhere." I don't have real LDS friends, the Christian girls that I thought were my friends hung out today without me. My boyfriend and I broke up over a matter of faith. Where do I go? What friends do I choose? Where do I belong?

Anyways, after that seminary class I spent some quality time with my mom picking out new make up and nail polish at Ulta which is always fun :)

and then we went to go visit my aunt who has had a lot of hard trials recently. My uncle left her for another women, she just broke her ankle pretty badly so she has a lot of medical debt, and she literally has like no money so she lives in this tiny apartment. So I brought my toy poodle Penny over and walked her and my aunt's poodle mix :) and then I was able to talk with my aunt for another two hours :) Which brings me back to the initial topic at hand, sense of belonging. I know that my aunt feels like she doesn't belong on this earth.. but she does because she belongs in my family and she belongs in my life as someone I respect, admire, look up to, as questions for help, love. She does belong and I am so grateful that I had the opportunity to show her that today just by spending time with her. 

When I got home from that my brother, his wife, and two kids were over just hanging out with the rest of my siblings at home. Did I mention yet that I am the seventh of nine kids??? Well I am :) haha and I have One brother-in-law, two sisters-in-law, four nieces, and four nephews. Yepp. Well my sister in law asked me what is going on with boys in my life right now. I told her about how Sam is going to ask me to prom, but I could honestly say that it doesn't mean I like anyone right now. No guy at my high school, no guy who goes to my ward, no guy who is even in my life is really worth dating or even liking. I graduate in 62 to days and I turn 18 years old about 2 months after that and I am so incredibly ready to move on. I want to go on dates with new guys, make new friends, experience life without holding on to the people in my past who aren't even worth holding onto. Yes, Sam is my friend and my senior prom date. However, after taking a good hard long look at the situation. I don't want to date him again. I won't. I can't. I am ready for a fresh start with someone new in about four months :) I think that is plenty of time to enjoy being single before I start dating more :) I pray that when I turn eighteen, move out, go to college, enter the singles ward. Maybe I will come closer to understanding who I am, what I believe, and where I belong. :)