I just want to graduate so badly!! It has gotten to the point where graduation is pretty much the only thing ever on my mind.
30 more days until graduation
80 more days until my 18th birthday
I've got this!! :)
Saturday, April 14, 2012
kinda nervous, a little excited :)
I admit it... I am freaking out a little... I graduate in 30 days and I am kinda scared. Not scared to graduate or go to college but scared to start real dating.. If you know me at all you understand that fact that I am really boy crazy and being single for me is kinda strange. Don't get me wrong I wouldn't have it any other way right now because I feel like being single is what I need, but when I turn 18 in the beginning of July I want boys to notice me but what if they don't? What if I get stood up a lot if guys even ask me out at all? or worse what if I start dating a guy and it ends really badly and I just want to move away? From what I can tell the singles ward that I am going into and the institute that I am starting up with my college has cute guys... but all of these cute guys are taken.. I don't know! I should just take a deep breath and remember that Heavenly Father has a story written out for me and all I need to do is trust it. I'm just really nervous :/
Thursday, April 12, 2012
Prayer is a Funny Thing....
First I was praying that Heavenly Father would soften my parents hearts towards the idea of Sam coming to Colorado to be my prom date....
and then he answered my prayers by showing me that Sam was not good for me and that I should tell him to change his plane ticket.
I thought a part of this answer to my prayers Heavenly Father was providing me with CJ to go to prom with...
I prayed that CJ would ask me....
and then CJ told me that he couldn't take me to prom because of money reasons and his parents objections... and then he got a new girlfriend to ask to prom....
I prayed for a new prom date
I prayed that it would work out with my sister's neighbor
I prayed that a friend would notice me
And then I went to my brother's house and he happened to know some priests that would take me to prom. I only found one of the facebook profiles out of all the guys we tried to look up
I prayed that he would be at church the next day...
He was blessing the sacrament.
I prayed that it wouldn't be awkward
It was haha
Today I almost stood him up because I was afraid that it would be weird and I am not going to lie he is a little strange....
I almost canceled. But then I prayed...
I don't know the twist and the turns of my life but I know that the Lord's hand is in my life. Tonight I went on a date with the answers to my prayers and although he is JUST A FRIEND. (I don't think of him romantically at all) I got to know a Son of God who has a pure heart, who is a genuine guy, a gentleman, and yes although a little odd.... someone I can really talk to and instead of looking at me as a hot date... he looked at me as a person and because of him I felt valued. Heavenly Father hears and answered my prayers. It is almost never in the way I expect him to but he is ALWAYS there :)
and then he answered my prayers by showing me that Sam was not good for me and that I should tell him to change his plane ticket.
I thought a part of this answer to my prayers Heavenly Father was providing me with CJ to go to prom with...
I prayed that CJ would ask me....
and then CJ told me that he couldn't take me to prom because of money reasons and his parents objections... and then he got a new girlfriend to ask to prom....
I prayed for a new prom date
I prayed that it would work out with my sister's neighbor
I prayed that a friend would notice me
And then I went to my brother's house and he happened to know some priests that would take me to prom. I only found one of the facebook profiles out of all the guys we tried to look up
I prayed that he would be at church the next day...
He was blessing the sacrament.
I prayed that it wouldn't be awkward
It was haha
Today I almost stood him up because I was afraid that it would be weird and I am not going to lie he is a little strange....
I almost canceled. But then I prayed...
I don't know the twist and the turns of my life but I know that the Lord's hand is in my life. Tonight I went on a date with the answers to my prayers and although he is JUST A FRIEND. (I don't think of him romantically at all) I got to know a Son of God who has a pure heart, who is a genuine guy, a gentleman, and yes although a little odd.... someone I can really talk to and instead of looking at me as a hot date... he looked at me as a person and because of him I felt valued. Heavenly Father hears and answered my prayers. It is almost never in the way I expect him to but he is ALWAYS there :)
Wednesday, April 4, 2012
Men Are Stupid.
"Here's all you have to know about men and women: women are crazy, men are stupid. And the main reason women are crazy is that men are stupid."
Well today was a pretty normal day... until I was talking with some friends before second period and new guy (Heck I am just going to say his name!) CJ saw me and totally did an "oh crap! avoid! avoid! avoid!" U-turn. Oh my Goodness!!!! Ugghh! What in the world did I do so wrong that he now feels the need to freaking avoid me?!?!? and then after class I passed him on the way to lunch and he definitively avoided eye contact. I am sorry but I was furious! I did absolutely nothing to deserve being treated like this. So I did what I do best. I wrote him a letter expressing my feelings. I knew that it would make me feel better if I wrote it all out in a mature way about how he was making me feel. I said something kinda like this:
"CJ,
I am sorry that life is hard right now and I am sorry if I did anything to add to feelings of being overwhelmed. I just want you to do what is best for you. I realize that because of the circumstances that you need time and space and you wont be able to honor your initial offer in taking me to prom. However, I still stand by the fact that I am so thankful that we had a "thing" the way we did when he did. Otherwise I would still be going to prom with Sam and he was a poison to my life. I understand and I promise that I wont be mad if you don't ask me to prom or even if you ask someone else entirely. But don't be a stranger! I still really care about you as a friend. I am sorry if this letter is overly long or overly emotional I just wanted to make sure that we are on the same page and that when we see each other no feelings of awkwardness or pain need to arise. CJ your Heavenly Father loves you, go to Him in your times of trial and through Him you will receive strength. Always remember that Jesus Christ not only died for your sins but also knows your pains, your regrets, your hard times. You are a valued Son of God and He loves you. You will always have a friend in me! :)
Wishing you the best!
Valerie"
So I intercepted him at the beginning of his lunch and skipped my class. He read the note in front of me. My heart was beating so fast. After he read the note he said "We need to talk." He told me that he was taking the break up harder than he expected, how his parents were having a hard time with money and he's not sure he is going to be able to afford prom. He told me that he really wanted to take me to prom. He said he was going to talk to his parents tonight about it. I sympathized with him. I can relate to money problems and bad break ups. However I also told him that he can't just pretend like I am invisible and just drop off of the face of the planet. I told him that he only had one more chance. I told him that I would happy to go on a different date and have our own prom. He told me he was going to call or text me tonight.... it is 8:46 and he still hasn't called....................................
I am giving him until 10 and then I am done.
Prom is only two and half weeks away and I really don't want to drag this out. And what if he goes to prom with me and then just has his eyes on his ex-girlfriend the ENTIRE time? I mean she is trying to get his best friend to go with her... if that was my situation it would hurt and I would constantly be watching my ex. If he ends up saying that he can go I am going to ask if seeing his ex there with another date is going to hurt him.. if so I can't do it. If he can't go maybe I'll try to find another date.
Honestly, this hurts.
Why can he be so sweet and soul bearing one moment
and then the next moment
he is cold and distant.
His second chance has almost expired but then I have to let go of the prospect of him being my date because I don't deserve this.
Well today was a pretty normal day... until I was talking with some friends before second period and new guy (Heck I am just going to say his name!) CJ saw me and totally did an "oh crap! avoid! avoid! avoid!" U-turn. Oh my Goodness!!!! Ugghh! What in the world did I do so wrong that he now feels the need to freaking avoid me?!?!? and then after class I passed him on the way to lunch and he definitively avoided eye contact. I am sorry but I was furious! I did absolutely nothing to deserve being treated like this. So I did what I do best. I wrote him a letter expressing my feelings. I knew that it would make me feel better if I wrote it all out in a mature way about how he was making me feel. I said something kinda like this:
"CJ,
I am sorry that life is hard right now and I am sorry if I did anything to add to feelings of being overwhelmed. I just want you to do what is best for you. I realize that because of the circumstances that you need time and space and you wont be able to honor your initial offer in taking me to prom. However, I still stand by the fact that I am so thankful that we had a "thing" the way we did when he did. Otherwise I would still be going to prom with Sam and he was a poison to my life. I understand and I promise that I wont be mad if you don't ask me to prom or even if you ask someone else entirely. But don't be a stranger! I still really care about you as a friend. I am sorry if this letter is overly long or overly emotional I just wanted to make sure that we are on the same page and that when we see each other no feelings of awkwardness or pain need to arise. CJ your Heavenly Father loves you, go to Him in your times of trial and through Him you will receive strength. Always remember that Jesus Christ not only died for your sins but also knows your pains, your regrets, your hard times. You are a valued Son of God and He loves you. You will always have a friend in me! :)
Wishing you the best!
Valerie"
So I intercepted him at the beginning of his lunch and skipped my class. He read the note in front of me. My heart was beating so fast. After he read the note he said "We need to talk." He told me that he was taking the break up harder than he expected, how his parents were having a hard time with money and he's not sure he is going to be able to afford prom. He told me that he really wanted to take me to prom. He said he was going to talk to his parents tonight about it. I sympathized with him. I can relate to money problems and bad break ups. However I also told him that he can't just pretend like I am invisible and just drop off of the face of the planet. I told him that he only had one more chance. I told him that I would happy to go on a different date and have our own prom. He told me he was going to call or text me tonight.... it is 8:46 and he still hasn't called....................................
I am giving him until 10 and then I am done.
Prom is only two and half weeks away and I really don't want to drag this out. And what if he goes to prom with me and then just has his eyes on his ex-girlfriend the ENTIRE time? I mean she is trying to get his best friend to go with her... if that was my situation it would hurt and I would constantly be watching my ex. If he ends up saying that he can go I am going to ask if seeing his ex there with another date is going to hurt him.. if so I can't do it. If he can't go maybe I'll try to find another date.
Honestly, this hurts.
Why can he be so sweet and soul bearing one moment
and then the next moment
he is cold and distant.
His second chance has almost expired but then I have to let go of the prospect of him being my date because I don't deserve this.
Tuesday, April 3, 2012
Life Doesn't Always Turn Out The Way You Want It To.....
Sometimes It Turns Out Better :)
I know I have been missing for a while! I have been super busy with work, school, and life.
I have been having a really hard time lately keeping up with everything. Work was consuming my life. I was exhausted ALL THE TIME. I was always crying, over emotional, worn out, simply because of the fact that I was seriously sleep deprived (and still am) So after a lot of prayer, consideration, thought, talking with people I decided that today was going to be the day.... I quit my job.
and I am SO GLAD that I did!
I now have 42 days until I graduate high school. Only 42 more days of being a senior in high school and I know that I don't want to let that slip away from me. I guess it just wasn't the right job, the right timing, the right hours. Don't get me wrong though, this was an extremely hard decision. I had times of feeling like a failure because I can't do it anymore. Sometimes I feel like I am not good enough when it comes to work and especially school.... oh and boys. But after a lot of prayer and talking to my mom about things, I feel great about myself! I don't have to feel like I am giving up because I'm not. I just want to make room in my life to enjoy life :) Okay I am done justifying myself even though I probably don't need to haha
May I just say that Boys are Jerks. New guy changed his mind about taking me to prom..... yeah...... he is just having a really hard time right now and a lot is going on his life and really, I am not mad at him. Just the whole situation is just really heartbreaking. I feel so stupid because I was so convinced that he came into my life to get me away from Sam and to be my prom date. We made that decision on the same day and I guess I was the only one to follow through... the worst part is he wasn't even going to tell me... he was just going to leave me to wonder what happened and why he wasn't asking me to prom. I understand that he is hurting because of his recent break up... but really? He couldn't have told me? Flaky Coward.
Okay I'm sorry that was mean..... I'll get over it. I don't need a date to my senior prom.... I will live. Still though I am so incredibly grateful that he did come into my life when he did the way he did... because then I would have never had Sam change his plane ticket. I would still be talking to the guy who I really cared about but he only saw me as a pity date and I am so much more valuable than that! I wish I could press fast forward. ugghh!!!
Oh I forgot to mention, when I resigned from work today my manager was super nice about it! He told me that if I needed a letter of recommendation or a job go to him because he loves me :) I love him :) That went so much better than I could have ever hoped for :)
So yeah :) Right now I kinda feel invincible. I feel like partying. I feel like jumping up and down. I feel like going out and spending time with my friends. I love my friends :)
Yesterday I was an absolute mess. I couldn't stop crying due to the fact that I was exhausted, I didn't really enjoy my Spring break, new guy had been avoiding me for a week, it was freezing outside, I was sick (I called in sick to work), mostly though I think it was because I just started my period. I hate admitting this but I am an emotional wreck on the first couple days of my period. I was on the phone with my best friend just crying and then my door bell rings and it was her at my door with flowers and a hug <3 She is awesome!
Well I guess that is all for today :) only 17ish days until prom so I will keep you all updated on my prom date... or lack there of :)
I know I have been missing for a while! I have been super busy with work, school, and life.
I have been having a really hard time lately keeping up with everything. Work was consuming my life. I was exhausted ALL THE TIME. I was always crying, over emotional, worn out, simply because of the fact that I was seriously sleep deprived (and still am) So after a lot of prayer, consideration, thought, talking with people I decided that today was going to be the day.... I quit my job.
and I am SO GLAD that I did!
I now have 42 days until I graduate high school. Only 42 more days of being a senior in high school and I know that I don't want to let that slip away from me. I guess it just wasn't the right job, the right timing, the right hours. Don't get me wrong though, this was an extremely hard decision. I had times of feeling like a failure because I can't do it anymore. Sometimes I feel like I am not good enough when it comes to work and especially school.... oh and boys. But after a lot of prayer and talking to my mom about things, I feel great about myself! I don't have to feel like I am giving up because I'm not. I just want to make room in my life to enjoy life :) Okay I am done justifying myself even though I probably don't need to haha
May I just say that Boys are Jerks. New guy changed his mind about taking me to prom..... yeah...... he is just having a really hard time right now and a lot is going on his life and really, I am not mad at him. Just the whole situation is just really heartbreaking. I feel so stupid because I was so convinced that he came into my life to get me away from Sam and to be my prom date. We made that decision on the same day and I guess I was the only one to follow through... the worst part is he wasn't even going to tell me... he was just going to leave me to wonder what happened and why he wasn't asking me to prom. I understand that he is hurting because of his recent break up... but really? He couldn't have told me? Flaky Coward.
Okay I'm sorry that was mean..... I'll get over it. I don't need a date to my senior prom.... I will live. Still though I am so incredibly grateful that he did come into my life when he did the way he did... because then I would have never had Sam change his plane ticket. I would still be talking to the guy who I really cared about but he only saw me as a pity date and I am so much more valuable than that! I wish I could press fast forward. ugghh!!!
Oh I forgot to mention, when I resigned from work today my manager was super nice about it! He told me that if I needed a letter of recommendation or a job go to him because he loves me :) I love him :) That went so much better than I could have ever hoped for :)
So yeah :) Right now I kinda feel invincible. I feel like partying. I feel like jumping up and down. I feel like going out and spending time with my friends. I love my friends :)
Yesterday I was an absolute mess. I couldn't stop crying due to the fact that I was exhausted, I didn't really enjoy my Spring break, new guy had been avoiding me for a week, it was freezing outside, I was sick (I called in sick to work), mostly though I think it was because I just started my period. I hate admitting this but I am an emotional wreck on the first couple days of my period. I was on the phone with my best friend just crying and then my door bell rings and it was her at my door with flowers and a hug <3 She is awesome!
Well I guess that is all for today :) only 17ish days until prom so I will keep you all updated on my prom date... or lack there of :)
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